(photo creds to David S. This was not at all Photoshopped)
Nate Yates celebrates a new year a birth with endless pitchers of booze, sexual handshakes, and a striper. No, not a stripper, a striper…or at least that’s what he thought.
Nate: “You know what I need? A candy striper so I can get some candy.”
Tasha: “Those are female hospital volunteers from the ’50s.”
Nate: “No, they’re not.”
Tasha: “Um, yeah they are. Candy stripers assisted patients in the hospital”
Nate: “Oh yeah. So they sold candy and shit to them in the hospital, right?”
Tasha: “…Uhh selling cigars to sick people…I don’t think so.”
So Nate finds a “Striper” and asks her himself:
Some other ridiculous Nate Yateisms:
Some chick: “Happy birthday!”
Nate: “Thanks, I guess.”
Some chick: “Well, is it?”
Nate: “I mean, I don’t know”
(It was)
Nate: “I use to have this fantasy about moving to San Francisco and making friends with all the beatniks. When I got here I didn’t meet any beatniks. Moving here was not a dream come true.”
Nate: “Oh cool hip-hop. I once went to a hip-hop bar with three girls and everyone was trying to cock block me.”
Nate: “Oh wow you’re from Williamsburg, Virginia? Man, I want to go there and get some churned butter (long pause) That would be awesome.”
Nate: “I like your tattoos. I want to get a tattoo, too.”
Navarro: “Oh yeah, what of?”
Nate: “I was thinking something Picasso. Like “Starry Night” or “The Man With the Guitar” like painted across my entire back.”
Navarro: “…”
Nate: “You guys ever go to the Mission and see the Beer and Water Guy?”
Someone: “No:
Nate: “Well he goes around selling beer and water and says, “BEER! WATER!”
Navarro: “Yeah. What do you think he sells more of?”
Nate: “I don’t know. Beer…water….”
Nate: “What about a penis?”
Clearly wasted. And to top off the night, Nate turns a somewhat awesome handshake into a really sexual one.
HBDNY.
Nate you crack me up. Alex I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!